The Embarrassment turns 1! Balloons and Candles For Everyone

Yes, despite spending most of the year being brain dead The Embarrassment has crossed the line and successfully made it to its first ever anniversary.

As obnoxiously as the blog had begun, so shall it continue with a load of cheesy birthday quotes to mark this auspicious occasion, sent by our non existent Bieber-esque fan base of course.

Time and tide wait for no man, but it will always wait for the Embarrassment just like my heart does. I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!
Hormonal Teenager

Happy Birthday, The Embarrassment. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am cool because of you.
15 and forever alone

I love your philosophy about life and just like your age may it grow. Happy Birthday.
Confused and in prison

Congratulations on your first anniversary. Your website has been very helpful and I’d like to know more about your research and your approach to the subject. Moreover, I’d like to point out to you this viagra I’m selling which once taken….
http://www.viagraidontneed.com

I did NOT take that last one from my spam filter.

Lastly, to my existent readers. I’d like thank you all for bearing with me over the past one year. And if I may have offended any of you by chance, GROW THE FECK UP!

I’ve learnt a few things over the past one year and I’d like to impart some Birthday wisdom before I leave:

When life give you lemons, don’t play ping pong with it.

Till next time.

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Helping You Find Happiness

Happy

A lot of people come up to me and say.

Yo Sami, you are so bland happy.

And I say,

So?

And they say,

How can you be so happy all the time? Surely some drugs are involved.

“DRUGS? I didn’t know drugs worked that way. My happiness is all down to the clandestine life I live.” I say in the most charming manner as possible.

And then I encounter the usual out pour of questions seeking help on how to deal with the the ups and downs of life without hurting the balance of the smile on their faces.

An inquiry of this kind is enough to set off the most absurd absorbing, preposterous inspiring and long speech by me which usually ends with me bowing out to an audience of dead space and the echo of my own voice. I wonder why that happens.

But then again I believe I have been very evasive with my long speeches and the like when asked the reason for my happiness. I have been very selfish with this secret and I believe it is now time for me to share it with everyone, what with all the miss happenings in this world of ours today.

So before you embark on this crazy journey to happiness there are a few things you must know:
Scientifically, Happiness can be represented by a formula.
Happiness = Pleasure + Engagement + Relationships + Meaning + Accomplishments.
If you fully rely on this formula to attain happiness, you’ll never get it.

Contrary to popular belief, happiness has nothing to do with limited brain capacity and hence you should immediately stop your dim witted antics(if any).

A couple of things you’ll need to achieve this state of happiness:
A vivid imagination. You should be able to follow through a hypothetical situation as if it is real. I suggest you replay some of those American Idol trials you have been doing in your head(Don’t tell me you haven’t done it) just to see if you’ve still got it.
A good memory.

If you have the above or have managed to buy it somehow, you are ready to go.

Step 1
This is a very simple step albeit very important. I want you to sit in some place relaxing. Once you’re there I want you to focus on pleasant things like blood, a severed head or some horror flick.

Now that you’ve warmed up your cranial nerves we’re going to create a hypothetical situation.

Imagine a big office, plenty of space. Plush furniture and smell like lavender. The door to the office has your name in big bold letters. Yes your name although it is misspelled. You are the manager of a major company.
A large desk sits in the middle of the room and a twirly chair behind it twirls around to reveal a slightly over weight you(Over weight due to the obviously high salary). Your phone rings and your secretary tells you that a job applicant is on the way. It is his interview today.
The applicant enters your office and after exchanging greetings you get down to business. The Interview is pretty routine, you ask questions and he answers them. No fireworks just plain ol’ interview.
A few seconds later you are gently awaken by the candidate.

Oh-oh! You just slept through his ‘What makes you different?’ answer. The candidate looks less than amused. Not the best scenario to be in.  You are still slightly dazed from your mid interview power nap when the phone rings. You answer the phone, still half asleep but with the wrong company name. You quickly realize your mistake but its too late to do anything now. You quietly wish that the person on the other end hasn’t caught this mistake.
There’s a brief silence over the phone. When the caller finally speaks it sends a chill through your bone. It is your boss.

Step 2
If you’ve made it this far, your just a hair’s breadth away from saying goodbye to the sad old you.
This step is very easy, all you have to do is memorize the above scene. Memorize this as if it really happened in your life. It should go in your memory as any other incident of your life.

Step 3
Let nature take its course. If your memory serves you well, one day in the near future you will remember this embarrassing incident. And as all embarrassing incidents it will bring a smile to your face.

Embarrassing situations are not pleasant to live through but are decent memories to hold onto. And as any decent Doctor would say, An embarrassment a day keeps depression away.

If you rack up enough memories of situations like the above, you will soon have enough memories to keep you happy for a lifetime.

Like the people in this video, I am sure they don’t regret it now as much as they did before.

Some of you may not be convinced of this method, but for all its worth it ruins your life works.
As for the scientifically astute, this satisfies your silly equation as well. You get Pleasure while your engaged in your memory. It helps improve your relationship with the people involved, gives a meaning to your sad existence and serves you with the accomplishment of being happy.

Ah! Happy days.

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