Who’s That Birthday Blog?

In the darkness I sat. I got up, walked to the switchboard and turned on the switch all the while saying, “Let there be light” and there it was. Light, pure and unadulterated like the wisps of a child’s thoughts. It was magnificent, mostly because it meant the electricity company hadn’t yet realized I hadn’t payed my bills.

But the light alone wasn’t enough. I needed to create more. I set off to create something better. It took me seven days. Six days of procrastination followed by one day to sign up on WordPress and actually make it. And this is how TheEmbarrassment came to be.

Today marks TheEmbarrassment’s second anniversary which in blogging years is 150 years. It is no surprise that other blogs that started around the same time as I did have all died, moved on to better things or found stardom which really begs the question as to why we need salt in our toothpaste? It really serves no purpose and makes oral hygiene worse than what it is.

So let us all join hands and celebrate TheEmbarrassment’s birthday by buying it expensive gifts. Unless you’re poor in which case you should just steal something. Expensive.

TheEmbarrassment is celebrating its birthday by giving away an Ipod for free. All you have to do is participate in THIS and you could be the owner of a brand new 5th generation Ipod touch.

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Bombs, Bombs and more Bombs

Internet has gone into overdrive after a short stout man from Korea(who doesn’t do Gangnam style, by the way) decided to take things into his own hands after his Facebook page failed to garner enough likes. Like all spoilt brats he finally realized that stamping his feet wasn’t enough to grab mommy’s attention and so he has threatened the world with a nuclear war.

He has succeeded in doing what he set out to do. He is now officially the most popular joke on the planet.

Meanwhile, little boys and girls all over the world have resorted to Call Of Duty marathons to prepare for the approaching World War 3. Sadly, the only person monitoring their combat progress is Joseph Kony and we all know how that ends.With a wank in the park for the guy who’s out to get him.

The Embarrassment wouldn’t like any of its readers to be vanquished by the threat of nuclear bombs. So here’s a tip on how to save yourselves:You can’t! Give up now, we’re all going to die. But posterity demands that we die in a dignified way so future generations can learn from our tragedies rather than laugh at them. So make sure you don’t die with your pants around your ankles.

That’s about it for this week.Hope we’re not dying till after the next post. But if we are, fulfill a dying man’s wish will ya? Subscribe! I always dreamed of going out with a million subscribers.

Free! Free! Free!

Everybody loves free stuff and so I’m going to dedicate this post to all the free things in life.And just to keep you hooked until the end I’m going to give away something at the end(absolutely free of course!) so keep reading.

Have you ever wondered as to how this concept of free stuff came about? How this idea that so blatantly profanes everything human greed stands for came into existence? I’ve come to learn that free stuff is not all it is made out to be. It is evil. Yes, like the ghouls and the demons and those juvenile Bieber fans on Twitter.

A bit perplexing? Let me explain.
I have it on good authority that this dark art was first conceived by hermits and sages of ancient India after conducting highly unethical experiments on the general population. Not so hard to believe after all we Indians are suckers for free stuff. But this problem is no longer isolated to the subcontinent, it now plagues the entire world. We are slaves to the demands of the free stuff, we just don’t realize it yet.
Let me illustrate with a few examples.

My neighbor and I were taking a look at the Engineering expo that had opened up in the vicinity. As we were promenading through the expo my neighbor was targeted by a salesman for his next big paycheck . Here’s the exchange.
Salesman: May I pique your interest with our latest collection of bearings?

Neighbor: You may not.
Salesman: But you do not want to miss out on this item.
Neighbor: I’m no Engineer. I wouldn’t know what to do with it.
Salesman: Don’t let that hinder you. It comes with a free table lamp whose cost price is exponentially insignificant when compared to what you’ll have to pay for the bearings.

Neighbor: Sounds reasonable. I’ll take two.

Here’s another one

This scene involves my friend Ruth in a shopping mall.
Salesgirl: Ma’am, may I guide your attention towards this new deodorant I’m selling?
*Sprays some onto one of those tiny paper strips that you’re supposed to stuff up your nose*
Ruth: It doesn’t smell very nice.
Salesgirl: But it’s a buy one get one free offer ma’am.
Ruth: Alright! I’ll take one.

I can assure you Ruth is not very fond of the nickname ‘Smelly Ruth’ that ensued after.

As you can see from the above examples, both the protagonists ended up paying and paying heavily for their pursuit of free stuff.

Moral of the story: Nothing is free. Not frustration, not indignation, not even hair loss. Everything comes at a price.

You have been charged 0.00$ for reading this article. As promised in the beginning, you have now successfully received your free give away.
Thank you for participating. Until next time.

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The Embarrassment Rises

Guess who’s back?

No, don’t guess yet. I’d like to maintain the element of surprise till the end.

While you’re guessing I’d like to tell you all a story.

Part 1
Once upon a time there lived a boy. The boy had a blog. He was happy writing the blog. One day he fell in a ditch. The blog went without an update for long. People were sad. People mourned. The Embarrassment was believed dead. Touching eulogies were delivered at the funeral.

Part 2
One day out of nowhere an update was made. The boy had climbed out of the ditch. And…… wait for it…… The Embarrassment was back!

Yes, the Embarrassment is back. And here’s a quick preview of what you can expect this time around:

  • More political jokes
    Who doesn’t like a political joke? Imagine this scene at a stand up show,
    Comedian: Politicians are stupid.
    Audience: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
    Plus, with it comes a chance for courting controversy, and who doesn’t like that?
  • More coverage of modern teen problems
    I don’t really care for them just hoping for a Twilight like explosion on the pop scene.
  • Celebrity interviews
    Lady Haha and J.K Howling have already accepted invitations to be on here. More on that later.

So I’ll leave you all with that for now.

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You can now follow The Embarrassment on Twatter and Facebook.

The Embarrassment turns 1! Balloons and Candles For Everyone

Yes, despite spending most of the year being brain dead The Embarrassment has crossed the line and successfully made it to its first ever anniversary.

As obnoxiously as the blog had begun, so shall it continue with a load of cheesy birthday quotes to mark this auspicious occasion, sent by our non existent Bieber-esque fan base of course.

Time and tide wait for no man, but it will always wait for the Embarrassment just like my heart does. I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!
Hormonal Teenager

Happy Birthday, The Embarrassment. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am cool because of you.
15 and forever alone

I love your philosophy about life and just like your age may it grow. Happy Birthday.
Confused and in prison

Congratulations on your first anniversary. Your website has been very helpful and I’d like to know more about your research and your approach to the subject. Moreover, I’d like to point out to you this viagra I’m selling which once taken….
http://www.viagraidontneed.com

I did NOT take that last one from my spam filter.

Lastly, to my existent readers. I’d like thank you all for bearing with me over the past one year. And if I may have offended any of you by chance, GROW THE FECK UP!

I’ve learnt a few things over the past one year and I’d like to impart some Birthday wisdom before I leave:

When life give you lemons, don’t play ping pong with it.

Till next time.

From Bad To Worse

Greetings readers!

A new week is upon us and along with it more worries, little happiness and an ugly mood. I continue to wage a war against my books in order to have them all memorized in time before the next exam. I have lost track of time and funnily enough I can’t seem to keep track of it despite numerous attempts. My watch is dead, I have a newspaper on my table from Sunday even though I’m fairly certain it is a Monday today but my computer says Tuesday and Mother won’t answer such inane questions.

To make matters worse, I’m fairly certain I haven’t performed as well as I’d hoped and I blame the republicans for it. Why? I don’t know, but everyone seems to be having a good time doing it.

In other news, I tried to evince my frustration about the exams by bringing down a wall by kicking it(kind of like The Hulk) needless to say I have a broken foot. A bit of internet research on the subject tells me it’ll heal on its own but I have my doubts given the awkward angle at which it has bent but I think I will go with the internet on this one, the hospital is 2 miles away and the only way I can get there is by walking. So I think I’ll take my chances.

Reading back on this, it really does seem like I am, what the media would call, a “whiny bitch”. The exams can do it to the best of us. Especially bad ones. But they always come to an end and that’s the only positive about it.

Be back next week, got lots of new features planned for TheEmbarrassment and will be announcing them next week.
In the meanwhile, TheEmbarrassment has also forayed into twatter. Make sure you give a follow for bite sized posts.
Follow me @SamiRockfeller

 

Expression-less

Recently while I was at the plastic surgeon’s contemplating on getting a new face for the new year I came across this catalog of faces to choose from. This catalog was marked ‘New Year special discounts’ and after taking a quick glance into my pocket I decided whatever changes I needed to my appearance had to come from this. And so I flicked through a few of the pages and this is what I came across:

angry baby
                   The “what the hell did you just say to me?” look

Apt for the businessman in all of us. The looks says it all, “I will not take crap from you.” It also exudes a feel of unfamiliarity which can prevent others from taking you too lightly.

As good as the description made it look, I decided against it. Besides I’m never gonna make it as a shrewd moneymaking machine anyway.

The "I'm so sober" look

This look is for people who are constantly embroiled in situations because they look too drunk(or in most cases actually drunk). Just one hour under the surgeon’s knife and you can forget all your troubles forever. This look can apparently also improve your eye sight, though I’m not sure how.

                                                       The Glee look

Recap all your favorite moments from you favorite show with this look which gives  you a vast array of emotions to chose from when your dance club is going to the dogs.

The "I could use a dollar now" look

This is one of those looks you must get if you plan on making any money on your night out on a new year’s eve. Not so photogenic though so it might not be the best option if you are Facebook warrior.

The Look

If you are going through this catalog right now, you probably don’t have enough money to afford a better look than this. So don’t think, just go for it.

***

The catalog made for an interesting reading, but I figured I looked pretty as it is. So what if it is a new year, perhaps I could ring it in with a new attitude rather than a new look.

Happy New Year folks!

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