The Funeral

People are born, they engage in something called life for sometime before they give in to the inevitable, which is death. Sometime’s death comes early, sometimes it comes at an appropriate time and if you’re really unlucky it comes far too late when all love for life has been seeped out of you and you can’t wait to breathe your last. It’s a real tragedy that but it happens and there’s nothing we can do to prevent it.

The life cycle of living beings is one of the many things we have no control over but the life cycle of inanimate objects that we’ve created ourselves can be controlled. It can be created at a whim and then destroyed before seeing our love for it diminish and get labored. Unfortunately, one such object has today reached the end of its cycle; welcome to its funeral. The object being this blog, TheEmbarrassment.

It was June 26, 2011 when I created this blog with the sole intention of keeping myself occupied rather than thinking about the morose happenings of life. It was a delicate moment and I needed a means of escape. TheEmbarrassment was the panacea then and I’m glad to say that at the end of it all it has brought a lot of joy to me. It helped me reestablish connections with old friends and make a lot of new ones. I got readers, followers, admirers and it was all fantastic.

                              Happy times: Seen on a strangers phone

Now, 200 subscribers and over 75,000 hits later I think the time has come to pull the plug on this. I want to write, I long to do it more than ever but I want to do something in a niche very different to what this blog was intended for. The motivation to do this no longer exists and I’d rather not have this dragged on forever. Perhaps I’ll do another blog or write for some other publication but for TheEmbarrassment, the time has come.

For now, I won’t be deleting the website as it is. I think it deserves to stay on the interweb for a while longer. I would like to thank you all for reading and being a part of this incredible journey. Goodbye and God bless!

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Who’s That Birthday Blog?

In the darkness I sat. I got up, walked to the switchboard and turned on the switch all the while saying, “Let there be light” and there it was. Light, pure and unadulterated like the wisps of a child’s thoughts. It was magnificent, mostly because it meant the electricity company hadn’t yet realized I hadn’t payed my bills.

But the light alone wasn’t enough. I needed to create more. I set off to create something better. It took me seven days. Six days of procrastination followed by one day to sign up on WordPress and actually make it. And this is how TheEmbarrassment came to be.

Today marks TheEmbarrassment’s second anniversary which in blogging years is 150 years. It is no surprise that other blogs that started around the same time as I did have all died, moved on to better things or found stardom which really begs the question as to why we need salt in our toothpaste? It really serves no purpose and makes oral hygiene worse than what it is.

So let us all join hands and celebrate TheEmbarrassment’s birthday by buying it expensive gifts. Unless you’re poor in which case you should just steal something. Expensive.

TheEmbarrassment is celebrating its birthday by giving away an Ipod for free. All you have to do is participate in THIS and you could be the owner of a brand new 5th generation Ipod touch.

The Embarrassment Rises

Guess who’s back?

No, don’t guess yet. I’d like to maintain the element of surprise till the end.

While you’re guessing I’d like to tell you all a story.

Part 1
Once upon a time there lived a boy. The boy had a blog. He was happy writing the blog. One day he fell in a ditch. The blog went without an update for long. People were sad. People mourned. The Embarrassment was believed dead. Touching eulogies were delivered at the funeral.

Part 2
One day out of nowhere an update was made. The boy had climbed out of the ditch. And…… wait for it…… The Embarrassment was back!

Yes, the Embarrassment is back. And here’s a quick preview of what you can expect this time around:

  • More political jokes
    Who doesn’t like a political joke? Imagine this scene at a stand up show,
    Comedian: Politicians are stupid.
    Audience: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
    Plus, with it comes a chance for courting controversy, and who doesn’t like that?
  • More coverage of modern teen problems
    I don’t really care for them just hoping for a Twilight like explosion on the pop scene.
  • Celebrity interviews
    Lady Haha and J.K Howling have already accepted invitations to be on here. More on that later.

So I’ll leave you all with that for now.

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You can now follow The Embarrassment on Twatter and Facebook.

Green Blogging

Happy Monday folks!

As the title suggests, this post will be about environment friendly blogging and all that is green but unlike all other websites, I won’t be boring you with facts and info you already know. After all who doesn’t know that the level of carbon dioxide has been increased by 40% since the industrial revolution and that it could result in overheating of the earth’s surface leading to the untimely demise of our race as we know it. There is absolutely no need for me to recycle all that again.

Now I certainly don’t want to scare you with all the usual, ‘Doom is here’ stuff but where is the fun in that . So: TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS OR WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE.

I’ve never made a conscious attempt at trying to contribute to green campaigns till recently when I was blowing a balloon when halfway through I accidentally inhaled the air from the balloon.

Choking

Effects of global warming

And so it lead me to research(read Google) the ways I could help bereft this world of the dangerous gasses and other apocalyptic elements.

Now there were quite a few things that came up on how I could be conservative in the usage of energy resources but the easiest one I came across was, conservative Blogging. Who knew blogging also results in lots of energy wastage? According to various internet sources, a simple Google search requires enough energy to boil a cup of water. Imagine the energy it would require to research a feature length(as in movies) topic and then type it, post it and then promote it. Quite a lot I’d say but the doesn’t mean you don’t have to do it. There are various other ways you can limit energy consumption by your blog.

Background colors
According to Blackle, a site with a black background consumes only half the energy consumed by a site with white background.

Images
Optimize your images for website usage(this can be done using Photoshop). This will help your images load faster hence leading to lesser wastage of precious energy. And better yet a faster loading website is only going to do you good with regards to your traffic and user satisfaction.

Content
According to some analysts, good content prevents users from surfing onto other websites looking for better content, which in turn saves energy.

Remove unnecessary plug ins and widgets
We’ve all had these placed on our blogs for various reasons. I for one used to have a lot of these for aesthetic value. But do most of these really serve any purpose at all?

Printable Content
If your blog provides information and stuff that people would be wanting to print, use a color scheme that’s best for printing.

Get selfish
Get green not for the world but for yourself. Do you know the amount of traffic you could draw to your blog by going green? It’s incredible.

Join in on the fun, Go Green.

Henceforth The Embarrassment will be an eco friendly website. The Embarrassment will be sporting a black attire on all National holidays. The Embarrassment will also celebrate the earth week from now.

See you next week folks, on a parting note, TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS OR WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE.

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Green for life.

5 tips to improve your blog content

I have been  a part of the blogging world for some time now, not as an active blogger but an avid reader. I think it was after reading about Perez Hilton in a local tabloid that I discovered the beautiful world of blogging. It wasn’t until recently that I became a blogger myself and can definitely say it is one of the best things I have ever done. It is very endearing when someone comment’s and like’s my posts and gives me a feeling of morbid satisfaction. But all is not well in the land of blogging, its not all fairy tale to some. Recently while on one of my reading sprees(blogs of course) I noticed many blogs which were just lying dead in the sense they were being updated but there was no feedback on any of them. It wasn’t very surprising cause as a reader I wasn’t very impressed. Many of those posts had the potential to be huge but sadly none of them were. So since I haven’t done anything good in a long time, I’m gonna give some free advice. Note that these tips are given from a reader’s perspective not an inexperienced blogger’s.

Never use slang

It is the worst sin a blogger could commit, when you upload posts you want it to be easy on the reader not make it look like a jigsaw puzzle. And for the record it is not cool, as most people think(generally the younger bloggers).

Do not plagiarize
I know you’ve heard this before and you adhere to it strictly but what I’m pointing at are those review blogs. Many a times I’ve noticed that some of these review blogs  have the exact same content as some newspapers and tabloids. No one wants to read the review from Variety on your blog, we want originality so give it to us.

NEVER limit your post to just 1 line
This is one thing that annoys me the most. Often I’ve clicked on some catchy title only to see a one line post(sometimes a couple of words even). For heaven’s sake, that is what Twitter is for. Status messages should be limited to social networking only.

Never impose your views on your readers
If you’re a republican, it doesn’t mean everyone has to its okay if you have democrat readers. Its a free world and the internet is a symbol of freedom. You should allow your readers to read and chose what they believe and not force them to seeing things your way

Do not post about your high school hook-up’s
Yes, this happens more often than not. There are many blogs that deal with this subject and I find them very.. uncomfortable.  Doesn’t mean all of them are weird just some of them that go to insane lengths describing their sexual experiences and every minute detail as if it was some heroic gesture on their behalf. You do not want your readers to read and say

And that’s about it. I hope this helps all those who haven’t been able to gain a large readership.

Till next time
Yours

The beginning of the end of the point we were lost in translation

This post is an ode to the essence of being weird. But what is weird? Who is weird? Is it bad to be weird? I hope to be able to answer those questions in the next 5 minutes that you are going to waste enjoy reading this. Weird is normal, it is something we all perceive to be when we say we want to be different. Weird is what separates us from each other. To a poor man, the lifestyle of a rich man is always going to be weird but it doesn’t mean he is a freak. It is the same as saying One person’s treasure is another’s junk. Weird doesn’t exist, it is an image we create for ourselves to comfort us when we’re out of our comfort zone. The only place you see ‘weird’ people is on reality shows, but that is because they are almost always misinterpreted and often provoked to do absurd things, but it goes without saying that those contestants are quite normal in their real lives. Why did they seem weird while on TV? It is because we wanted them to, they wouldn’t draw much attention by being their normal selves on TV would they? Weird is unrealistic, but in a good way if seen in its true light.

Who is weird?
We all are, Being weird is what makes us unique. I have no qualms about being called weird and neither should you. There is also the common belief that freakishly perverted people(referring to any and every bad element is society) are weird.They are not, the only thing they should be called is insane. Weird is a separate class and they deserve to be treated with respect. Call yourself weird and be proud.

Despite the misleading title I hope you enjoyed the read.
Yours Weirdly

Phrase me not!

Have you ever paid close attention to every phrase someone says to you while in a conversation? Ever tried to scrutinize every little thing under a non existent microscope just to find some mistake, maybe one little less plausible reference just to take the edge of the conversation and maybe embarrass the speaker? If you ever have tried or are going to, you are bound to find innumerable mistakes and bad metaphors that have no relevance in itself. Yet these are accepted as acceptable phrases in our common language.  These are a few that I think should be put out of practice  for good :

I am what I am.
A phrase commonly found in the Facebook profiles of thousands of people, this is also used as an answer in interviews and questionnaires which pose this question. The fact that these people think these mere 5 words can describe them is atrocious. What exactly is the relevance of this answer? And who else could you possibly be? Surely I know you are yourself and won’t confuse you with my neighbor. So PLEASE stop using it.

Pin drop silence.
A phrase I so often heard being used by my teachers during my kindergarten years and foolishly believed there was ever such a thing. How is it that people come up with stuff like this? Surely the guy who came up with it must have been pure literary genius, how else do you assume the sound of a dropping pin? What if the pin was big and heavy and made a big THUD! noise? Does this still apply then?

Never give up on something that you can’t go a day without thinking about.
This is supposed to be one of the most inspirational quote of all times.I  beg to differ. What about the smokers the junkies and the alcohol addicts who gave up their old habits? Giving up will be a miraculous task then. Stupid inspirational thinking.

Everything is okay in the end, if it’s not ok, then it’s not the end.
Need I remind the one who came up with this of Titanic or any other movie that had a sad ending?

A champion is someone who gets up, even when he can’t .
Doesn’t the second part of the phrase clearly claim, “he can’t”? Last time I checked “he can’t” means impossible by any all means for him to achieve. It’s like saying, “I love to walk even though I don’t have legs.” Any takers?

This is about all that I could find though I won’t say I wasn’t tempted to create my own and beat around the bush(now does that make sense?) for all of eternity. But then again it is lists like these that inspire me and push me to do absurd tasks that for all I know may end up being common place despite not having any relevance whatsoever or it could be I was wrong about all the above mentioned phrases. You decide.
Yours misinterpreted-ly