Statue In The Sea

India is a funny country. Our currency is in free fall, droughts have ravaged several parts of our country while other parts have been brutalized by natural disasters and yet the Maharashtra government has proposed a 3.5 billion Rupee statue to be built in the sea to rival the Statue of Liberty in America.

News agencies claim that the decision making process probably would have been something like this.
Politico 1: What to do with all this tax money yaar? It’s not like we can pocket all of this.

Politico 2: I know, let us build a massive statue in the middle of the Arabian sea. It will win us massive brownie points with the general populace.

And so it was decided. But it hasn’t gained the desired effect with the public. People are angry, people are mad. This makes no sense. They don’t want a statue. They want nice roads, clean drinking water and a better economy. They don’t share the same dream as those in our Governments. They want this idea to be scrapped immediately.

Personally, I don’t mind a statue. Some might say this situation is akin to a poor man spending all his income on new furniture when he could have used it to fix his leaky roof, but what do they know. After all this statue is the panacea we’ve all been waiting for. I have reliably informed that this statue is magically gonna come alive at night and rid our city of all evils. It is like Batman, only disguised as a statue and a little bit inanimate. It is going to eradicate poverty, save all the people from floods, end corruption, and reduce inflation. Just ask our politicos. They know best, why else would any sane government invest 3.5 billion on a statue? Are they out of their minds? Of course not. The general public might not be happy but they must understand, this is all a part of a larger plan. Some political circles also claim that this statue is not a statue but God itself. Surely, it makes more sense to invest in God? For all we know this is the cheapest and the surest way to end all our troubles.

To the uninitiated this might seem like surplus, but fret not for we are on our way to recovery. We are soon going from the developing to the developed and it is all thanks to this statue. And while it happens we should all applaud our politicos for their maverick bravado.

Advertisements

Newspapers are evil and why you are smart not to read them.

Greetings readers!
That what you have been waiting for is finally here. A brand new post on TheEmbarrassment to tickle your……. No, no tickling. TheEmbarrassment doesn’t fancy tickling all that much. Maybe caressing in a strictly non sexual manner.

Anyways, while I sit here waiting for inspiration to hit me on the head, I’m going to write a polemic. Because everyone likes a polemic and I just happen to be a populist fiend.

So let us begin with my last post which was about Kim Jong Un, by the way(And I know you didn’t read it). As soon as it went online I was inundated with a flood of messages. Mostly spam and the rest I ignored. However, some messages did manage to stick out and stab me in the eye leading to a very saddening revelation about my general readership(which on most days is just me, my dog and the FBI because they think I’m selling smallpox on here). This revelation was so sad I actually took a good half hour from my daily routine to cry about it.

index

What is this revelation, you ask?
I’ve finally learnt that most of you are inhabitants of third world countries with little to no access to newspapers or television. You probably get internet but is blanketed by a heavy censorship that is imposed upon you by your oppressive and tyrannical leader. Otherwise I see no reason for people to NOT know Kim Jong.(I had a hundred or so messages asking about Kim Jong. One even asked if it was a sequel to smash hit video game, Donkey Kong)

Dear readers and random people who accidentally stumbled on to this page.
When a man threatens to destroy the world as we know it, you’re expected to know him not his less funnier lookalike who canter’s around pretending to be a horse.

This problem of not knowing and living as complete ignoramus’ is not a very uncommon one. So it’s not just my readers, it is everybody. 1.5 in every 3 people don’t know what’s going on around them, counted someone(The authenticity of that fact is questionable). We all live in an oblivious haze pretending that everything is alright.

Bombs in America? Earthquake in Iran? Nah! I just care about my follower count on Twitter #YOLO

is the new mantra for life. OR.

I wish Anne Frank was a #Beleiber.

Whichever floats your boat

In other news it is 4/20 today(at the time of writing) or in other words, I’m going to pretend to be an adult by uploading a status on Facebook about all the dope I smoke.

My advice to all the pretentious wannabee’s out there creating all the 420 pages and events, go do your homework. I know you’re all 12 years old because all the grown up are busy with work or actually at these events that you so profusely talk about.

Well, that’s a wrap for the week. Hope you all had fun.
Till next time.

The Morality Conundrum

I was recently slapped with the terms “immoral”, “egotistical”, “undeserving to be human” and an “unbalanced feminist”. On most days I would have accepted those accusations except maybe the last one as I’m still not certain about what it means. Last I checked UrbanDictionary still didn’t have an explanation.

All this took place because I had the audacity to point out to some pop punk on Facebook that he was being a chauvinistic pig and that his comments were nothing short of misogynistic. I know what you’re thinking now. We all are thinking the same thing. Let’s just say it out loud. Standing up for something is overrated.

Now it wasn’t the abuse that irked me so much as this one particular comment which I’m guessing was by another of the punk’s obnoxious friends.

You are sick and immoral. You don’t deserve to live. You don’t know anything about real life.

Let us take a moment to analyze that.Am I sick? Maybe.
Do I deserve to live? It is up for debate.
Do I know anything about life? Perhaps not.
But am I immoral for pointing out that your friend is a silly twat for making callous and obscene statements about women? I think not.

What is this morality anyway?

According to ,my old trusted dictionary it is,
Principles concerning right and wrong behavior/ A system of principles decided by a group.

How can we decide what is right or wrong? Different culture, different societies have a different outlook on things. For example, we have sex. Sex is considered a viable topic of discussion in most parts of the world but in some parts like in India it is frowned upon.

Empirically speaking, we Indians love sex(Our population doesn’t lie) and yet we consider talking about it to be amoral. So being the Indian that I am, do I consider all foreign people to be immoral? Or are we Indians the immoral ones because we don’t fit onto the societal norms of the rest of the world?
So basically, the concept of right and wrong differs from place to place and people to people. There is NO definitive right or wrong.

Let us now come to the second part of the definition. It explicitly states that these principals are decided by a group of people. Who are these people? And what gives them the right to decide for all people? Is it a particular group or can any group just make these rules? If so do we have to draft it on paper?
Imagine a scenario where the group that makes these rules is a bunch of psychopaths. What then?

The only wrong you can do is to impose yourself on others. As long as you’re not impeding the harmony of others lives you are on the right path. At least that’s what I think.

Conclusion: The idea of morality is flawed. Create a new one.

What do you think about morality? Add to the argument in the comments section below.

Free! Free! Free!

Everybody loves free stuff and so I’m going to dedicate this post to all the free things in life.And just to keep you hooked until the end I’m going to give away something at the end(absolutely free of course!) so keep reading.

Have you ever wondered as to how this concept of free stuff came about? How this idea that so blatantly profanes everything human greed stands for came into existence? I’ve come to learn that free stuff is not all it is made out to be. It is evil. Yes, like the ghouls and the demons and those juvenile Bieber fans on Twitter.

A bit perplexing? Let me explain.
I have it on good authority that this dark art was first conceived by hermits and sages of ancient India after conducting highly unethical experiments on the general population. Not so hard to believe after all we Indians are suckers for free stuff. But this problem is no longer isolated to the subcontinent, it now plagues the entire world. We are slaves to the demands of the free stuff, we just don’t realize it yet.
Let me illustrate with a few examples.

My neighbor and I were taking a look at the Engineering expo that had opened up in the vicinity. As we were promenading through the expo my neighbor was targeted by a salesman for his next big paycheck . Here’s the exchange.
Salesman: May I pique your interest with our latest collection of bearings?

Neighbor: You may not.
Salesman: But you do not want to miss out on this item.
Neighbor: I’m no Engineer. I wouldn’t know what to do with it.
Salesman: Don’t let that hinder you. It comes with a free table lamp whose cost price is exponentially insignificant when compared to what you’ll have to pay for the bearings.

Neighbor: Sounds reasonable. I’ll take two.

Here’s another one

This scene involves my friend Ruth in a shopping mall.
Salesgirl: Ma’am, may I guide your attention towards this new deodorant I’m selling?
*Sprays some onto one of those tiny paper strips that you’re supposed to stuff up your nose*
Ruth: It doesn’t smell very nice.
Salesgirl: But it’s a buy one get one free offer ma’am.
Ruth: Alright! I’ll take one.

I can assure you Ruth is not very fond of the nickname ‘Smelly Ruth’ that ensued after.

As you can see from the above examples, both the protagonists ended up paying and paying heavily for their pursuit of free stuff.

Moral of the story: Nothing is free. Not frustration, not indignation, not even hair loss. Everything comes at a price.

You have been charged 0.00$ for reading this article. As promised in the beginning, you have now successfully received your free give away.
Thank you for participating. Until next time.

Join in on the weekly fun. Subscribe.

Writer’s Unblocked

Greetings readers!

My friend Riatarded from.. uhm, Riatarded has been collecting a compendium of sorts on methods of overcoming ones “creative funk” and since no compendium is ever complete without TheEmbarrassment, here’s my contribution.

A scientific study claims that almost 70,000 thoughts cross through the mind of an average individual everyday. Overcoming writer’s block is clinging onto one of these thoughts and putting it into words. If you can’t, it is about time you think of another hobby to pursue. As Steve Martin puts it,

Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol. Sure, a writer can get stuck for a while, but when that happens to a real author — say, a Socrates or a Rodman — he goes out and gets an “as told to.”

I know, that was rather harsh but the amount of professional writers that have gone into drugs and alcohol as a means to overcome this “block” is disturbing. If you’re having trouble coming up with something to write, it is usually because you have exhausted your creativity by writing too much, in which case you need to take a break. There’s a reason jobs offer paid vacations and as with every profession even a writer needs a break.

Writer’s block is the greatest side effect of boredom – Jason Zebehazy

Another cause of this block is boredom. Sitting and typing on a keyboard all day can be quite tedious at times. What you really need is a bit of spark to keep you going. I have been known to annoy lots of people, especially people of higher authority. It gives me a rush. Sometimes these people can get quite creative while abusing you in turn and that only adds more words to my page. A quick glance at the other posts on TheEmbarrassment will tell you how many posts you can come up with this technique. Obviously there are other less dangerous ways of doing it(I’ve been chased around with a bat for annoying some) but this is a tried and tested method and one that I highly recommend.

There is also the case of people not writing for want of perfection and for that I leave you with this quote by Margaret Atwood,

If I waited for perfection, I would never write a word.

So if you’re in a bit of a funk, you know what to do now.

Unblocking-ly yours

 

 

Blogging Dangers

The great blessing of mankind are within us and within our reach; but we shut our eyes, and like people in the dark, we fall foul upon the very thing we search for, without finding it.

Greetings readers!

The above quote has absolutely nothing to do with today’s post, so if you were trying decipher its true meaning you may stop now but if you’ve already stumbled upon it, good for you. I’ve finally been relieved off of my exam woes and am feeling a bit nostalgic. I have half a mind to prank call all the minor league celebrities in my area but the other half says I am better off screaming obscenities from the rooftops. It might seem a bit queer that my mind is in such shambles. A stable person wouldn’t have thought of the latter, a normal person would be shuffling through the yellow pages right now. But I am far from normal right now and I think the recently concluded exams will take the blame for that. I am still coming to terms that it is all over. I’m a free bird now.

Another reason I haven’t done anything crazy is because of this. I am a storyteller, anything I do should be told, romanticized and boasted about. My primary medium for that is this blog and if the system is going to institutionalize bloggers for obnoxious posts I wouldn’t be able to avoid the straitjacket for long. There is also the fear of prison. With the number of innocent people being jailed to make up for the incompetence of a politically motivated justice system, I could be made an easy target. I can almost imagine the headlines:
18 year old bombs an anthill in frustration after exams
An 18 year old blogger from India has been imprisoned after the recent destruction of a monumental anthill, 5 miles south of nowhere. After initial failure of the local police to find substantial evidence they have now succeeded in pinpointing the said suspect after a google search that yielded the perpetrators blog. The blog in question was termed to be a harem of sadist thoughts and has since been blocked by the local internet providers. More on this…

Blogging

The world is a dangerous place, even for a blogger. Be mindful of what you post, it may come back to haunt you. That being said TheEmbarrassment will continue as it was and you shouldn’t worry about it.

Till next week.

* Dear readers,
A recently concluded study has found out that all hip blogs make more than one post per week and TheEmbarrassment being the hipster that it is will be a more regular feature throughout the week starting next Monday.

Green Blogging

Happy Monday folks!

As the title suggests, this post will be about environment friendly blogging and all that is green but unlike all other websites, I won’t be boring you with facts and info you already know. After all who doesn’t know that the level of carbon dioxide has been increased by 40% since the industrial revolution and that it could result in overheating of the earth’s surface leading to the untimely demise of our race as we know it. There is absolutely no need for me to recycle all that again.

Now I certainly don’t want to scare you with all the usual, ‘Doom is here’ stuff but where is the fun in that . So: TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS OR WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE.

I’ve never made a conscious attempt at trying to contribute to green campaigns till recently when I was blowing a balloon when halfway through I accidentally inhaled the air from the balloon.

Choking

Effects of global warming

And so it lead me to research(read Google) the ways I could help bereft this world of the dangerous gasses and other apocalyptic elements.

Now there were quite a few things that came up on how I could be conservative in the usage of energy resources but the easiest one I came across was, conservative Blogging. Who knew blogging also results in lots of energy wastage? According to various internet sources, a simple Google search requires enough energy to boil a cup of water. Imagine the energy it would require to research a feature length(as in movies) topic and then type it, post it and then promote it. Quite a lot I’d say but the doesn’t mean you don’t have to do it. There are various other ways you can limit energy consumption by your blog.

Background colors
According to Blackle, a site with a black background consumes only half the energy consumed by a site with white background.

Images
Optimize your images for website usage(this can be done using Photoshop). This will help your images load faster hence leading to lesser wastage of precious energy. And better yet a faster loading website is only going to do you good with regards to your traffic and user satisfaction.

Content
According to some analysts, good content prevents users from surfing onto other websites looking for better content, which in turn saves energy.

Remove unnecessary plug ins and widgets
We’ve all had these placed on our blogs for various reasons. I for one used to have a lot of these for aesthetic value. But do most of these really serve any purpose at all?

Printable Content
If your blog provides information and stuff that people would be wanting to print, use a color scheme that’s best for printing.

Get selfish
Get green not for the world but for yourself. Do you know the amount of traffic you could draw to your blog by going green? It’s incredible.

Join in on the fun, Go Green.

Henceforth The Embarrassment will be an eco friendly website. The Embarrassment will be sporting a black attire on all National holidays. The Embarrassment will also celebrate the earth week from now.

See you next week folks, on a parting note, TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS OR WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE.

Join in the weekly Embarrassment. Subscribe

Green for life.