Instead of waiting with baited breaths for a sickly old man to pass away, the world has conspired to kill him and consign him to memory, folklore and steely montages that no one watches. Never has the world wanted to kill someone so much since the news that Nelson Mandela is in critical condition came out. I get that he’s old and frail and much likely to die sooner than later but can we at least wait till he’s breathed his last? Major news agencies were quick to report him dead based on seedy social media rumors like they were waiting for him to die. It’s not like he’s a hero or anything.
Spanish is not one of my strong points but it roughly translates to, ‘Mandela is dead. Look at me grieving’.
Poets have already begun waxing lyrical’s about the man who’s not dead, yet. About how he toppled the white man and committed atrocities against them and how he promulgated fallacies about apartheid. I bet there is a digital clock somewhere counting down the days until he dies, the excitement has reached such levels.
I don’t know what I can say to condemn this but the rainbows aren’t happy with all the speculation regarding their father’s death. It’s mean. Stop it.
In the darkness I sat. I got up, walked to the switchboard and turned on the switch all the while saying, “Let there be light” and there it was. Light, pure and unadulterated like the wisps of a child’s thoughts. It was magnificent, mostly because it meant the electricity company hadn’t yet realized I hadn’t payed my bills.
But the light alone wasn’t enough. I needed to create more. I set off to create something better. It took me seven days. Six days of procrastination followed by one day to sign up on WordPress and actually make it. And this is how TheEmbarrassment came to be.
Today marks TheEmbarrassment’s second anniversary which in blogging years is 150 years. It is no surprise that other blogs that started around the same time as I did have all died, moved on to better things or found stardom which really begs the question as to why we need salt in our toothpaste? It really serves no purpose and makes oral hygiene worse than what it is.
So let us all join hands and celebrate TheEmbarrassment’s birthday by buying it expensive gifts. Unless you’re poor in which case you should just steal something. Expensive.
TheEmbarrassment is celebrating its birthday by giving away an Ipod for free. All you have to do is participate in THIS and you could be the owner of a brand new 5th generation Ipod touch.
Internet has gone into overdrive after a short stout man from Korea(who doesn’t do Gangnam style, by the way) decided to take things into his own hands after his Facebook page failed to garner enough likes. Like all spoilt brats he finally realized that stamping his feet wasn’t enough to grab mommy’s attention and so he has threatened the world with a nuclear war.
He has succeeded in doing what he set out to do. He is now officially the most popular joke on the planet.
Meanwhile, little boys and girls all over the world have resorted to Call Of Duty marathons to prepare for the approaching World War 3. Sadly, the only person monitoring their combat progress is Joseph Kony and we all know how that ends.With a wank in the park for the guy who’s out to get him.
The Embarrassment wouldn’t like any of its readers to be vanquished by the threat of nuclear bombs. So here’s a tip on how to save yourselves:You can’t! Give up now, we’re all going to die. But posterity demands that we die in a dignified way so future generations can learn from our tragedies rather than laugh at them. So make sure you don’t die with your pants around your ankles.
That’s about it for this week.Hope we’re not dying till after the next post. But if we are, fulfill a dying man’s wish will ya? Subscribe! I always dreamed of going out with a million subscribers.
Guess who’s back?
No, don’t guess yet. I’d like to maintain the element of surprise till the end.
While you’re guessing I’d like to tell you all a story.
Once upon a time there lived a boy. The boy had a blog. He was happy writing the blog. One day he fell in a ditch. The blog went without an update for long. People were sad. People mourned. The Embarrassment was believed dead. Touching eulogies were delivered at the funeral.
One day out of nowhere an update was made. The boy had climbed out of the ditch. And…… wait for it…… The Embarrassment was back!
Yes, the Embarrassment is back. And here’s a quick preview of what you can expect this time around:
- More political jokes
Who doesn’t like a political joke? Imagine this scene at a stand up show,
Comedian: Politicians are stupid.
Plus, with it comes a chance for courting controversy, and who doesn’t like that?
- More coverage of modern teen problems
I don’t really care for them just hoping for a Twilight like explosion on the pop scene.
- Celebrity interviews
Lady Haha and J.K Howling have already accepted invitations to be on here. More on that later.
So I’ll leave you all with that for now.
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You can now follow The Embarrassment on Twatter and Facebook.
Yes, despite spending most of the year being brain dead The Embarrassment has crossed the line and successfully made it to its first ever anniversary.
As obnoxiously as the blog had begun, so shall it continue with a load of cheesy birthday quotes to mark this auspicious occasion, sent by our non existent Bieber-esque fan base of course.
Time and tide wait for no man, but it will always wait for the Embarrassment just like my heart does. I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!
Happy Birthday, The Embarrassment. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am cool because of you.
15 and forever alone
I love your philosophy about life and just like your age may it grow. Happy Birthday.
Confused and in prison
Congratulations on your first anniversary. Your website has been very helpful and I’d like to know more about your research and your approach to the subject. Moreover, I’d like to point out to you this viagra I’m selling which once taken….
I did NOT take that last one from my spam filter.
Lastly, to my existent readers. I’d like thank you all for bearing with me over the past one year. And if I may have offended any of you by chance, GROW THE FECK UP!
I’ve learnt a few things over the past one year and I’d like to impart some Birthday wisdom before I leave:
When life give you lemons, don’t play ping pong with it.
Till next time.
I, your friend behind the mask of The Embarrassment is back. I know I haven’t been very regular with my posts recently neither have I been visiting any of you all on your domains and for that I sincerely apologize. I’ve had quite a few set backs off recently and have been unable to live up to my duties to my subscribers.
And just today I received news about something that pulverized any hopes I had of making a quick return, that being and in the words of the Stark’s, “The Finals are approaching.”
So off I go to prepare for my finals. I should be back by the end of March, in case I am not you are free to mourn my death.
So long friends’
Recently while I was at the plastic surgeon’s contemplating on getting a new face for the new year I came across this catalog of faces to choose from. This catalog was marked ‘New Year special discounts’ and after taking a quick glance into my pocket I decided whatever changes I needed to my appearance had to come from this. And so I flicked through a few of the pages and this is what I came across:
- The “what the hell did you just say to me?” look
Apt for the businessman in all of us. The looks says it all, “I will not take crap from you.” It also exudes a feel of unfamiliarity which can prevent others from taking you too lightly.
As good as the description made it look, I decided against it. Besides I’m never gonna make it as a shrewd moneymaking machine anyway.
The "I'm so sober" look
This look is for people who are constantly embroiled in situations because they look too drunk(or in most cases actually drunk). Just one hour under the surgeon’s knife and you can forget all your troubles forever. This look can apparently also improve your eye sight, though I’m not sure how.
- The Glee look
Recap all your favorite moments from you favorite show with this look which gives you a vast array of emotions to chose from when your dance club is going to the dogs.
The "I could use a dollar now" look
This is one of those looks you must get if you plan on making any money on your night out on a new year’s eve. Not so photogenic though so it might not be the best option if you are Facebook warrior.
If you are going through this catalog right now, you probably don’t have enough money to afford a better look than this. So don’t think, just go for it.
The catalog made for an interesting reading, but I figured I looked pretty as it is. So what if it is a new year, perhaps I could ring it in with a new attitude rather than a new look.
Happy New Year folks!
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