Newspapers are evil and why you are smart not to read them.


Greetings readers!
That what you have been waiting for is finally here. A brand new post on TheEmbarrassment to tickle your……. No, no tickling. TheEmbarrassment doesn’t fancy tickling all that much. Maybe caressing in a strictly non sexual manner.

Anyways, while I sit here waiting for inspiration to hit me on the head, I’m going to write a polemic. Because everyone likes a polemic and I just happen to be a populist fiend.

So let us begin with my last post which was about Kim Jong Un, by the way(And I know you didn’t read it). As soon as it went online I was inundated with a flood of messages. Mostly spam and the rest I ignored. However, some messages did manage to stick out and stab me in the eye leading to a very saddening revelation about my general readership(which on most days is just me, my dog and the FBI because they think I’m selling smallpox on here). This revelation was so sad I actually took a good half hour from my daily routine to cry about it.

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What is this revelation, you ask?
I’ve finally learnt that most of you are inhabitants of third world countries with little to no access to newspapers or television. You probably get internet but is blanketed by a heavy censorship that is imposed upon you by your oppressive and tyrannical leader. Otherwise I see no reason for people to NOT know Kim Jong.(I had a hundred or so messages asking about Kim Jong. One even asked if it was a sequel to smash hit video game, Donkey Kong)

Dear readers and random people who accidentally stumbled on to this page.
When a man threatens to destroy the world as we know it, you’re expected to know him not his less funnier lookalike who canter’s around pretending to be a horse.

This problem of not knowing and living as complete ignoramus’ is not a very uncommon one. So it’s not just my readers, it is everybody. 1.5 in every 3 people don’t know what’s going on around them, counted someone(The authenticity of that fact is questionable). We all live in an oblivious haze pretending that everything is alright.

Bombs in America? Earthquake in Iran? Nah! I just care about my follower count on Twitter #YOLO

is the new mantra for life. OR.

I wish Anne Frank was a #Beleiber.

Whichever floats your boat

In other news it is 4/20 today(at the time of writing) or in other words, I’m going to pretend to be an adult by uploading a status on Facebook about all the dope I smoke.

My advice to all the pretentious wannabee’s out there creating all the 420 pages and events, go do your homework. I know you’re all 12 years old because all the grown up are busy with work or actually at these events that you so profusely talk about.

Well, that’s a wrap for the week. Hope you all had fun.
Till next time.

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2 thoughts on “Newspapers are evil and why you are smart not to read them.

  1. This is Kim Jong Un.
    How dare you post things about me without my permission? And how dare you say that half of the world doesnt know who I am? I’ll nuke your India. I’ll nuke the USA. I’ll nuke the world. And yeah, think a thousand times before you compare me to that retard who rides on an invisible horse if you want to avoid another world war. Arigatto Gozaimas

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