I had the misfortune of watching another Hollywood movie last night after a week full of misery in which I had to combat other egregious Hollywood movies. I swore never to watch one again. I swore, cursed, kicked ass and even called names and yet I found myself slowly being seeped back into the cinema hall like a relapsing drug addict. There is something remarkably sanguine about these money loaded abominations, but I think I’ve cracked the code. And now I present to you, how to make a Hollywood blockbuster:
Ignore the script
Ignore the script, but it is important that you have one. Now some of you might consider it moot to have a script and not use it but there is a reason you need one; It helps to pacify the critics, all they need to see is credit given to a script writer in the rolling credits and voila! you’ve scored a good rating for your movie. Another reason for having a script prepared is, it adds to your expenses. This way you can easily attain the title of a big budget movie. And don’t use the script as anything but toilet paper. You might as well switch to making commercials if you’re going to follow a script. This is Hollywood, there is a code of ethics to be followed.
Hire a teenage star to play the lead
You don’t need a good actor to make a Hollywood blockbuster. Heck, you don’t even need an actor to make a bestseller. Just get one of those famous teenagers to play the lead. Someone like Justin Bieber or one of those Twilight kids should ensure easy money.
Include lots of graphics
Yes, and by lots I mean almost every scene. Even if it is a scene involving a character walking on the road, you should show it in slow motion with lots of 360 degree motion.
Make one good scene
Let it be atleast 5 minutes long. This way you can include it in an action packed trailer. People love a good trailer.
Make a good poster
One can never go wrong with a good poster. Some movies almost exclusively depend on their posters to sell the movie.
There you have it folks, 5 easy ways to make a Hollywood blockbuster. Scratch that, you can make one by just following one of these. Just make sure you credit me in the end when you get an MTV award 😛