A school classroom is a beautiful place to be, especially when the teachers are not there. There are the geeks in the front, the gangsters in the backseat and the retarded teenagers sitting in the middle rows. A perfect place to be. I had the pleasure of being in many such classrooms before, but say no more.
My current classroom is divided into two groups, the humans and the ogre’s.
Yes, Ogre’s. They have huge body frame’s complimented with a tiny little brain and they’re vocabulary is only limited to grunts and hoofing sounds. These creatures are the dwellers of the back bench in our class where a sense of foreboding prevails along with an unbearable stench of fowl. The back of our class has often been compared with a slaughter house and rightfully so.
These animals, scary as they might be are a bit like helpless kitties when the lecturers are on their case so they prefer to give most of the classes a skip. But problem arises when they need to provide a leave note to makeup for the attendance so they can write exams. This is where I come in.
I have a bit of a reputation for writing creative letters and as some put it, “making it more mature”. So I had been approached by these monsters to write leave notes for them in exchange for muscle. This proposal of theirs was quite appealing. I mean who doesn’t like a green monster’s for backup? Besides the letters allowed a lot of room for creativity as the teachers rarely ever read those letters and the Ogre’s couldn’t read it even if they wanted to. Hence I agreed. For sometime this made for a great partnership between me and the Ogre’s.
I wrote letter’s for them such as,
I was absent due to a deadly virus. You know, one of those life threatening kinds? Therefore I insist you do not insist on seeing a prescription of any kind as there are some pretty strong drugs mentioned in it and I’ve seen the spark in your eyes when those drugs were mentioned during one of your classes.
Then there were some that could have have been… well, believable.
I can haz cheezburger and doctor youtube myspace. In short, diarrhea.
This was all going well till one day one of the teacher’s actually read the letter. It has been three days since it got caught and I haven’t dared come out from under my bed since.
All I know is, the Ogre’s are coming for me.
NOTE: This note only came back with the teacher’s signature but her words have also been poorly reproduced for dramatic emphasis.
* This story is based on true life incidents. Do not try to copy at home or at school, you never know when the table’s will turn on you.