Firstly, my apologies. Three weeks into my promise of ‘I will post every Monday’, I have broken it but with good reason. I went to see a Hindi movie. Now it may not be news to many avid film goers but to me it is. I haven’t been to watch a Hindi movie in a theater in almost 10 years now. So you can imagine my excitement at getting the chance to live through 3 hours of the most mind numbing monologues, steamy item numbers, cultural song and dance and a brief rip off of some Hollywood classic. I jest, I had to revise my disaster management lessons just to muster up enough courage to try and watch one. Seriously. If you haven’t watched one yet my advice to you would be don’t. And so with a prayer on my lips I went in to watch the movie.
Have you ever felt like someone has just puked in your head and you could do nothing to wipe it off? Me neither but I wouldn’t mind such a scenario if those 3 hours I lost watching a Bollywood masala could be reinstated. After 10 years I can say the formula for making Bollywood films remains the same. And I would suggest you get your notepads out if you wish to make a quick buck out of movie making.
- Boy sees Girl, falls in love.
- Girl rejects Boy, chaos reigns.
- Boy does something to upset the girl, Girl now hates Boy.
- After another 2 hours of beating around the bush, A song and dance sequence encapsulates the audience during the course of which Girl falls in love with the Boy.
- Happily ever after.
These are just the points that’ll help you get a big producer. If you want your film to go on and do a titanic you need to include scenes such as – Boy flexes muscles, shirt rips off to pieces. Really. If you don’t believe me check it out.
I think I’ll need a long vacation because of the damage that movie has done to me. Don’t worry I’ll be back next week though 🙂
* I know I haven’t mentioned the name of the movie but because of the insanely incredulous fan support of The Embarrassment(Cough*!) I am restricted from doing so. Don’t want the movie to bomb because of me.