It was a beautiful Sunday morning, no it was overcast. Yes dark and cloudy almost on the verge of spilling and ruining my day. My exams were just over and I had an entire day to overdose on sugary substances and watch indie movies on TV, no need to be negative. It is a sunny day. And then I went about ticking off things from my to-do list. It is a list I make during my darkest periods which recently happened to be my exams. The list usually includes stuff like watching TV and having good food and the like so it isn’t really special or something just something I have convinced myself I have to do.
Somewhere in that list there was a new inclusion, buy myself a gift. I find it very demeaning to buy myself a gift so I must have been really desperate at some point to have written that, but no use crying about it now. It had to be done. I thought of all the possible things I could buy myself. What did I want more? A baby elephant, a teletubbies collectible or a book on learning the secrets of voodoo? Tough decision that. I finally settled upon a watch. Simple yet subtle and not to mention BORING!
I walked myself to the nearest Fasttrack outlet which wasn’t really nearby. The salesman working the shift seemed to know me quite well. The moment he saw me he gestured towards the exit, Out you go, window shopping is to be done from the window. Okay! That is not how I want to be known. And I wasn’t going to go without doing what I came to do, I flashed out the green from my pocket, Godfather style. That good enough for you. His face contorted. “Right this way sir” he said as he lead me towards his finest collection. Money DOES talk.
After hours of processing which watch I wanted to buy I finally decided on one. During the transaction the sales guy offered me coupon which said ‘F******ck’ What in the world are you trying to do, I have half a mind to sock you in the eye right now!!, “Calm down sir, it is just a coupon. If you can replace the asterisks with alphabets to form a word you can win a 500Rs gift hamper.” Ah! I see. I inspected the coupon to see if he was playing me, it looked legit and the task looked pretty simple. I gleefully replaced the asterisks with U’s. There that should do it, where is my hamper now? “Uh! Sir, that is not what we were expecting. Huh? “Fook doesn’t really qualify as our answer. Oh well, better luck next time.” That was unexpected, I had just been hoodwinked, You’re playing with me I know it, get my hamper NOW! “But sir..” No buts, you just cheated me out of my hamper. This is how you treat your big money customers? You lying scumbags, treacherous ***** …. The place was soon infiltrated by security guards who then proceeded to throw me out on the manager’s orders.
The company probably got a good laugh out of this incident, probably what they had expected too. What else do you have in mind when you offer someone a coupon that says F******ck?
I hate wordgames and bad salesmen and security guards.
And to those of you wondering what the answer to that silly question of theirs was, it was Fasttrack. Stupid, silly plonkers