I Need To Confess

I have a confession to make. It is on a very volatile subject so I don’t know what the appropriate medium is. Should I just say it out loud or whisper for fear of retribution? The ambiguous nature of this confession might help my cause or it may just burn me down. Whatever I do, I must get it out quick for this knowledge stays not readily within the confines of my mind. It fights. It wants to get out, to be known; the bastard.

I Google to see if there’s any way I can cure myself of this malady and I am not disappointed. Google knows, it always does, even when it says it doesn’t. So my Google search result tells about these confession pages. My heart leaps with joy. Social media forums dedicated just for confessions? What’s not to like? You can get the world off your shoulders in total anonymity, you get an audience and quite a lot of free sympathizers. It is also very much a fashion trend these days. What could possibly go wrong?

I immediately yearn to make my confession but I  don’t. Maybe I should read a few of the confessions first. Just to acclimatize myself with the kind of content on here. So I read.

guys plz tell me can love n marriage is possiblw with neighbour… means neighbour boy n girl.. plz.. tel me .. if yes thn how to go ahead… n if no.. thn wt to do plz gv suggestion. plz

 

But what is this? Must be an anomaly. I should just read another one.

i need some suggestions..i love a girl very much..but she says that she dont want any bf..just bcoz her past ditched her…

 

Where is the confession you eejits? Has the meaning of confession transmuted into meaning some sort of random emotional malarkey? Is this what priests in church have to deal with?

I read a thousand of these so called confessions and not one of them was. Alas! I am still left with a confession to make. I must get it out quick for this knowledge stays not readily within the confines of my mind. It lies not dormant within the confines of my mind.

The Power Of Faith

Afterward, when the dust had settled around us, we wondered how the man had stayed so calm during his narrative. Any ordinary man would have trembled with trepidation, cried in agony or even screamed in despair. His story was that of destitution, a streak of black splashed across what used to be a colorful picture. He was being drawn into the depths of despair and yet he was calm or as some suggested at that time, mad.

The year was 2008 and the world had plunged into its worst ever economic recession. Dubai had taken a bad hit. The employment rates were in a free fall. The number of people having to leave the country due to its effect was magnanimous. A wave of monotony had spread over the city. My family had been largely safe from its effect, that is till that fateful day when my uncle walked into our apartment to make an important announcement. Little did we expect of what he had to say that day. Little did we believe of what he said that day.

My uncle, Manjil sat across us. His face didn’t give away much. He was usually like this when he had something wonderful to reveal, like the final act of a magic trick that would blow us away. The whispers in the hallway had suggested his wife might have given birth to their first child. We waited with baited breaths. When the entire family had finally assembled, he began.

I have some news, the news will shock and amuse you in equal measure so I would suggest you don’t react immediately. Give it some time to sink, I’ve had to do the same.

This morning I received a call from my boss, Mr Madhwesh telling me that I no longer needed to show up for work. The company has filed for bankruptcy. In addition to this, the salary which is owed to me by the company for the last three months of work will not be paid. The same way I can’t payback any of my debts for the last three months. Anyways, I no longer have money to eat, drink or live here. So I will be leaving on the first flight I get home. Any queries you have about this issue will be answered by my secretary who has also been fired due to the economic crisis.

The family sat in silence. None of us were buying what he had to say. If he was sad he gave no hint of it. After an eerie silence, the room broke into
a chaotic commotion, with every member trying to offer help, commiserations and sympathy all at once. Finally when the commotion had melted into silence, he spoke again.

I appreciate all your offers for help, but I know a thousand other people who could use it more than me. Besides, I always hated that job.

He lied. He loved that job. But it was gone and he made every effort to convince us otherwise. And then he left. With not a penny in his pocket, not a clue of where he was going. All he knew was, it’d all work out in the end.

His optimism bordered on preposterous, but it was reassuring. He was a hard worker but he would need a lot more than that to start again and get his life back on track. Everything looked bleak but he refused to look at everything that way. He was determined he would build his life from the ground to up.

Fast forward five years, and now Manjil Nirala is a successful businessman. He went back home a destitute, with debt up to his knees. He now runs a chain of successful restaurants and helps other in situations such as his. His is a prominent example used in our family circles to show that we can achieve anything through perseverance. He refused to give up even at the worst of times and for this very reason he prevailed over his hardships. His own family doubted him but his faith has carried him over the line. His faith has carried him a long way over the line.

I wish to get my story published in Chicken Soup for the Indian Entrepreneurs Soul in association with BlogAdda.com

Newspapers are evil and why you are smart not to read them.

Greetings readers!
That what you have been waiting for is finally here. A brand new post on TheEmbarrassment to tickle your……. No, no tickling. TheEmbarrassment doesn’t fancy tickling all that much. Maybe caressing in a strictly non sexual manner.

Anyways, while I sit here waiting for inspiration to hit me on the head, I’m going to write a polemic. Because everyone likes a polemic and I just happen to be a populist fiend.

So let us begin with my last post which was about Kim Jong Un, by the way(And I know you didn’t read it). As soon as it went online I was inundated with a flood of messages. Mostly spam and the rest I ignored. However, some messages did manage to stick out and stab me in the eye leading to a very saddening revelation about my general readership(which on most days is just me, my dog and the FBI because they think I’m selling smallpox on here). This revelation was so sad I actually took a good half hour from my daily routine to cry about it.

What is this revelation, you ask?
I’ve finally learnt that most of you are inhabitants of third world countries with little to no access to newspapers or television. You probably get internet but is blanketed by a heavy censorship that is imposed upon you by your oppressive and tyrannical leader. Otherwise I see no reason for people to NOT know Kim Jong.(I had a hundred or so messages asking about Kim Jong. One even asked if it was a sequel to smash hit video game, Donkey Kong)

Dear readers and random people who accidentally stumbled on to this page.
When a man threatens to destroy the world as we know it, you’re expected to know him not his less funnier lookalike who canter’s around pretending to be a horse.

This problem of not knowing and living as complete ignoramus’ is not a very uncommon one. So it’s not just my readers, it is everybody. 1.5 in every 3 people don’t know what’s going on around them, counted someone(The authenticity of that fact is questionable). We all live in an oblivious haze pretending that everything is alright.

Bombs in America? Earthquake in Iran? Nah! I just care about my follower count on Twitter #YOLO

is the new mantra for life. OR.

I wish Anne Frank was a #Beleiber.

Whichever floats your boat

In other news it is 4/20 today(at the time of writing) or in other words, I’m going to pretend to be an adult by uploading a status on Facebook about all the dope I smoke.

My advice to all the pretentious wannabee’s out there creating all the 420 pages and events, go do your homework. I know you’re all 12 years old because all the grown up are busy with work or actually at these events that you so profusely talk about.

Well, that’s a wrap for the week. Hope you all had fun.
Till next time.

Bombs, Bombs and more Bombs

Internet has gone into overdrive after a short stout man from Korea(who doesn’t do Gangnam style, by the way) decided to take things into his own hands after his Facebook page failed to garner enough likes. Like all spoilt brats he finally realized that stamping his feet wasn’t enough to grab mommy’s attention and so he has threatened the world with a nuclear war.

He has succeeded in doing what he set out to do. He is now officially the most popular joke on the planet.

Meanwhile, little boys and girls all over the world have resorted to Call Of Duty marathons to prepare for the approaching World War 3. Sadly, the only person monitoring their combat progress is Joseph Kony and we all know how that ends.With a wank in the park for the guy who’s out to get him.

The Embarrassment wouldn’t like any of its readers to be vanquished by the threat of nuclear bombs. So here’s a tip on how to save yourselves:You can’t! Give up now, we’re all going to die. But posterity demands that we die in a dignified way so future generations can learn from our tragedies rather than laugh at them. So make sure you don’t die with your pants around your ankles.

That’s about it for this week.Hope we’re not dying till after the next post. But if we are, fulfill a dying man’s wish will ya? Subscribe! I always dreamed of going out with a million subscribers.

The Morality Conundrum

I was recently slapped with the terms “immoral”, “egotistical”, “undeserving to be human” and an “unbalanced feminist”. On most days I would have accepted those accusations except maybe the last one as I’m still not certain about what it means. Last I checked UrbanDictionary still didn’t have an explanation.

All this took place because I had the audacity to point out to some pop punk on Facebook that he was being a chauvinistic pig and that his comments were nothing short of misogynistic. I know what you’re thinking now. We all are thinking the same thing. Let’s just say it out loud. Standing up for something is overrated.

Now it wasn’t the abuse that irked me so much as this one particular comment which I’m guessing was by another of the punk’s obnoxious friends.

You are sick and immoral. You don’t deserve to live. You don’t know anything about real life.

Let us take a moment to analyze that.Am I sick? Maybe.
Do I deserve to live? It is up for debate.
Do I know anything about life? Perhaps not.
But am I immoral for pointing out that your friend is a silly twat for making callous and obscene statements about women? I think not.

What is this morality anyway?

According to ,my old trusted dictionary it is,
Principles concerning right and wrong behavior/ A system of principles decided by a group.

How can we decide what is right or wrong? Different culture, different societies have a different outlook on things. For example, we have sex. Sex is considered a viable topic of discussion in most parts of the world but in some parts like in India it is frowned upon.

Empirically speaking, we Indians love sex(Our population doesn’t lie) and yet we consider talking about it to be amoral. So being the Indian that I am, do I consider all foreign people to be immoral? Or are we Indians the immoral ones because we don’t fit onto the societal norms of the rest of the world?
So basically, the concept of right and wrong differs from place to place and people to people. There is NO definitive right or wrong.

Let us now come to the second part of the definition. It explicitly states that these principals are decided by a group of people. Who are these people? And what gives them the right to decide for all people? Is it a particular group or can any group just make these rules? If so do we have to draft it on paper?
Imagine a scenario where the group that makes these rules is a bunch of psychopaths. What then?

The only wrong you can do is to impose yourself on others. As long as you’re not impeding the harmony of others lives you are on the right path. At least that’s what I think.

Conclusion: The idea of morality is flawed. Create a new one.

What do you think about morality? Add to the argument in the comments section below.

Glory For Writers

I went to a rock concert this week. And for the most part, I cried. Loudly. To dim out the band on stage. To my surprise, most of the crowd soon joined in to share my sorrow. Apparently, loud howling sounds and grown men prancing about in weird clothes wasn’t anybody’s idea of fun.

Though I must admit there were some moments when I wished I was on the stage. Not because I possess any great talent although I could do a great act of a man having seizures due to stage fright, except I’d actually be having the seizures and no one would care.

Try imagining yourself on a stage doing what you like in front of thousands of fans cheering and supporting you as you perform. Screaming your name, swooning at your every move. How does it feel?

I for one will never know. I mean, who wants to see a writer type away on stage. Of all the people I can think of maybe only my mother……. or maybe not.
Hi mum! I just scored a gig. It’s a writing concert at the O2. You’re gonna be there aren’t you?
Gosh! I would love to, but I’m ……. uh… busy!
Busy? I haven’t even told you the date!
Oh, you know how it is. Besides, I have a lot of nothing to catch up on. But you go ahead. Have fun.

As writers we are always behind the curtains. Any success we get is seldom in the immediate aftermath of our best work. You either wait for a movie adaption to get you recognized or wait for the generation to pass so the next one can appreciate what you have done. Take Vladimir Nabokov for example. The book he was chastised and incessantly castigated for after its release is now considered amongst the greatest achievements of literature.

This can be a bit frustrating as a budding writer especially when you compare our situation with all the Youtube and Myspace sensations. Instant fame, unheard of riches, millions of fans and a Superbowl slot all in the space of a few months. For those that don’t know, Superbowl is American for getting paid to do nothing.

Now this may all seem a bit defeatist to you but I guess that’s what this world of instant likes and retweets does to you. Unfortunately, I’m a part of the instant glory brigade too. If it doesn’t happen now it might never happen. Fear. It eats away at me. Am I good enough? Will I be appreciated for my work? Will it be during my time?

For now, I know not the answers to those questions. But I try to keep myself motivated. Afterall, when history is written it’ll be written with our words not some two minute pistachio advertisement on Superbowl.

Free! Free! Free!

Everybody loves free stuff and so I’m going to dedicate this post to all the free things in life.And just to keep you hooked until the end I’m going to give away something at the end(absolutely free of course!) so keep reading.

Have you ever wondered as to how this concept of free stuff came about? How this idea that so blatantly profanes everything human greed stands for came into existence? I’ve come to learn that free stuff is not all it is made out to be. It is evil. Yes, like the ghouls and the demons and those juvenile Bieber fans on Twitter.

A bit perplexing? Let me explain.
I have it on good authority that this dark art was first conceived by hermits and sages of ancient India after conducting highly unethical experiments on the general population. Not so hard to believe after all we Indians are suckers for free stuff. But this problem is no longer isolated to the subcontinent, it now plagues the entire world. We are slaves to the demands of the free stuff, we just don’t realize it yet.
Let me illustrate with a few examples.

My neighbor and I were taking a look at the Engineering expo that had opened up in the vicinity. As we were promenading through the expo my neighbor was targeted by a salesman for his next big paycheck . Here’s the exchange.
Salesman: May I pique your interest with our latest collection of bearings?
Neighbor: You may not.
Salesman: But you do not want to miss out on this item.
Neighbor: I’m no Engineer. I wouldn’t know what to do with it.
Salesman: Don’t let that hinder you. It comes with a free table lamp whose cost price is exponentially insignificant when compared to what you’ll have to pay for the bearings.
Neighbor: Sounds reasonable. I’ll take two.

Here’s another one

This scene involves my friend Ruth in a shopping mall.
Salesgirl: Ma’am, may I guide your attention towards this new deodorant I’m selling?
*Sprays some onto one of those tiny paper strips that you’re supposed to stuff up your nose*
Ruth: It doesn’t smell very nice.
Salesgirl: But it’s a buy one get one free offer ma’am.
Ruth: Alright! I’ll take one.

I can assure you Ruth is not very fond of the nickname ‘Smelly Ruth’ that ensued after.

As you can see from the above examples, both the protagonists ended up paying and paying heavily for their pursuit of free stuff.

Moral of the story: Nothing is free. Not frustration, not indignation, not even hair loss. Everything comes at a price.

You have been charged 0.00$ for reading this article. As promised in the beginning, you have now successfully received your free give away.
Thank you for participating. Until next time.

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