The Funeral

People are born, they engage in something called life for sometime before they give in to the inevitable, which is death. Sometime’s death comes early, sometimes it comes at an appropriate time and if you’re really unlucky it comes far too late when all love for life has been seeped out of you and you can’t wait to breathe your last. It’s a real tragedy that but it happens and there’s nothing we can do to prevent it.

The life cycle of living beings is one of the many things we have no control over but the life cycle of inanimate objects that we’ve created ourselves can be controlled. It can be created at a whim and then destroyed before seeing our love for it diminish and get labored. Unfortunately, one such object has today reached the end of its cycle; welcome to its funeral. The object being this blog, TheEmbarrassment.

It was June 26, 2011 when I created this blog with the sole intention of keeping myself occupied rather than thinking about the morose happenings of life. It was a delicate moment and I needed a means of escape. TheEmbarrassment was the panacea then and I’m glad to say that at the end of it all it has brought a lot of joy to me. It helped me reestablish connections with old friends and make a lot of new ones. I got readers, followers, admirers and it was all fantastic.

                              Happy times: Seen on a strangers phone

Now, 200 subscribers and over 75,000 hits later I think the time has come to pull the plug on this. I want to write, I long to do it more than ever but I want to do something in a niche very different to what this blog was intended for. The motivation to do this no longer exists and I’d rather not have this dragged on forever. Perhaps I’ll do another blog or write for some other publication but for TheEmbarrassment, the time has come.

For now, I won’t be deleting the website as it is. I think it deserves to stay on the interweb for a while longer. I would like to thank you all for reading and being a part of this incredible journey. Goodbye and God bless!

The Killing Of Nelson Mandela

Instead of waiting with baited breaths for a sickly old man to pass away, the world has conspired to kill him and consign him to memory, folklore and steely montages that no one watches. Never has the world wanted to kill someone so much since the news that Nelson Mandela is in critical condition came out. I get that he’s old and frail and much likely to die sooner than later but can we at least wait till he’s breathed his last? Major news agencies were quick to report him dead based on seedy social media rumors like they were waiting for him to die. It’s not like he’s a hero or anything.

Spanish is not one of my strong points but it roughly translates to, ‘Mandela is dead. Look at me grieving’.

Poets have already begun waxing lyrical’s about the man who’s not dead, yet. About how he toppled the white man and committed atrocities against them and how he promulgated fallacies about apartheid. I bet there is a digital clock somewhere counting down the days until he dies, the excitement has reached such levels.

Mandela Meme

I don’t know what I can say to condemn this but the rainbows aren’t happy with all the speculation regarding their father’s death. It’s mean. Stop it.

Who’s That Birthday Blog?

In the darkness I sat. I got up, walked to the switchboard and turned on the switch all the while saying, “Let there be light” and there it was. Light, pure and unadulterated like the wisps of a child’s thoughts. It was magnificent, mostly because it meant the electricity company hadn’t yet realized I hadn’t payed my bills.

But the light alone wasn’t enough. I needed to create more. I set off to create something better. It took me seven days. Six days of procrastination followed by one day to sign up on WordPress and actually make it. And this is how TheEmbarrassment came to be.

Today marks TheEmbarrassment’s second anniversary which in blogging years is 150 years. It is no surprise that other blogs that started around the same time as I did have all died, moved on to better things or found stardom which really begs the question as to why we need salt in our toothpaste? It really serves no purpose and makes oral hygiene worse than what it is.

So let us all join hands and celebrate TheEmbarrassment’s birthday by buying it expensive gifts. Unless you’re poor in which case you should just steal something. Expensive.

TheEmbarrassment is celebrating its birthday by giving away an Ipod for free. All you have to do is participate in THIS and you could be the owner of a brand new 5th generation Ipod touch.

Statue In The Sea

India is a funny country. Our currency is in free fall, droughts have ravaged several parts of our country while other parts have been brutalized by natural disasters and yet the Maharashtra government has proposed a 3.5 billion Rupee statue to be built in the sea to rival the Statue of Liberty in America.

News agencies claim that the decision making process probably would have been something like this.
Politico 1: What to do with all this tax money yaar? It’s not like we can pocket all of this.

Politico 2: I know, let us build a massive statue in the middle of the Arabian sea. It will win us massive brownie points with the general populace.

And so it was decided. But it hasn’t gained the desired effect with the public. People are angry, people are mad. This makes no sense. They don’t want a statue. They want nice roads, clean drinking water and a better economy. They don’t share the same dream as those in our Governments. They want this idea to be scrapped immediately.

Personally, I don’t mind a statue. Some might say this situation is akin to a poor man spending all his income on new furniture when he could have used it to fix his leaky roof, but what do they know. After all this statue is the panacea we’ve all been waiting for. I have reliably informed that this statue is magically gonna come alive at night and rid our city of all evils. It is like Batman, only disguised as a statue and a little bit inanimate. It is going to eradicate poverty, save all the people from floods, end corruption, and reduce inflation. Just ask our politicos. They know best, why else would any sane government invest 3.5 billion on a statue? Are they out of their minds? Of course not. The general public might not be happy but they must understand, this is all a part of a larger plan. Some political circles also claim that this statue is not a statue but God itself. Surely, it makes more sense to invest in God? For all we know this is the cheapest and the surest way to end all our troubles.

To the uninitiated this might seem like surplus, but fret not for we are on our way to recovery. We are soon going from the developing to the developed and it is all thanks to this statue. And while it happens we should all applaud our politicos for their maverick bravado.

I Need To Confess

I have a confession to make. It is on a very volatile subject so I don’t know what the appropriate medium is. Should I just say it out loud or whisper for fear of retribution? The ambiguous nature of this confession might help my cause or it may just burn me down. Whatever I do, I must get it out quick for this knowledge stays not readily within the confines of my mind. It fights. It wants to get out, to be known; the bastard.

I Google to see if there’s any way I can cure myself of this malady and I am not disappointed. Google knows, it always does, even when it says it doesn’t. So my Google search result tells about these confession pages. My heart leaps with joy. Social media forums dedicated just for confessions? What’s not to like? You can get the world off your shoulders in total anonymity, you get an audience and quite a lot of free sympathizers. It is also very much a fashion trend these days. What could possibly go wrong?

I immediately yearn to make my confession but I  don’t. Maybe I should read a few of the confessions first. Just to acclimatize myself with the kind of content on here. So I read.

guys plz tell me can love n marriage is possiblw with neighbour… means neighbour boy n girl.. plz.. tel me .. if yes thn how to go ahead… n if no.. thn wt to do plz gv suggestion. plz

 

But what is this? Must be an anomaly. I should just read another one.

i need some suggestions..i love a girl very much..but she says that she dont want any bf..just bcoz her past ditched her…

 

Where is the confession you eejits? Has the meaning of confession transmuted into meaning some sort of random emotional malarkey? Is this what priests in church have to deal with?

I read a thousand of these so called confessions and not one of them was. Alas! I am still left with a confession to make. I must get it out quick for this knowledge stays not readily within the confines of my mind. It lies not dormant within the confines of my mind.

The Power Of Faith

Afterward, when the dust had settled around us, we wondered how the man had stayed so calm during his narrative. Any ordinary man would have trembled with trepidation, cried in agony or even screamed in despair. His story was that of destitution, a streak of black splashed across what used to be a colorful picture. He was being drawn into the depths of despair and yet he was calm or as some suggested at that time, mad.

The year was 2008 and the world had plunged into its worst ever economic recession. Dubai had taken a bad hit. The employment rates were in a free fall. The number of people having to leave the country due to its effect was magnanimous. A wave of monotony had spread over the city. My family had been largely safe from its effect, that is till that fateful day when my uncle walked into our apartment to make an important announcement. Little did we expect of what he had to say that day. Little did we believe of what he said that day.

My uncle, Manjil sat across us. His face didn’t give away much. He was usually like this when he had something wonderful to reveal, like the final act of a magic trick that would blow us away. The whispers in the hallway had suggested his wife might have given birth to their first child. We waited with baited breaths. When the entire family had finally assembled, he began.

I have some news, the news will shock and amuse you in equal measure so I would suggest you don’t react immediately. Give it some time to sink, I’ve had to do the same.

This morning I received a call from my boss, Mr Madhwesh telling me that I no longer needed to show up for work. The company has filed for bankruptcy. In addition to this, the salary which is owed to me by the company for the last three months of work will not be paid. The same way I can’t payback any of my debts for the last three months. Anyways, I no longer have money to eat, drink or live here. So I will be leaving on the first flight I get home. Any queries you have about this issue will be answered by my secretary who has also been fired due to the economic crisis.

The family sat in silence. None of us were buying what he had to say. If he was sad he gave no hint of it. After an eerie silence, the room broke into
a chaotic commotion, with every member trying to offer help, commiserations and sympathy all at once. Finally when the commotion had melted into silence, he spoke again.

I appreciate all your offers for help, but I know a thousand other people who could use it more than me. Besides, I always hated that job.

He lied. He loved that job. But it was gone and he made every effort to convince us otherwise. And then he left. With not a penny in his pocket, not a clue of where he was going. All he knew was, it’d all work out in the end.

His optimism bordered on preposterous, but it was reassuring. He was a hard worker but he would need a lot more than that to start again and get his life back on track. Everything looked bleak but he refused to look at everything that way. He was determined he would build his life from the ground to up.

Fast forward five years, and now Manjil Nirala is a successful businessman. He went back home a destitute, with debt up to his knees. He now runs a chain of successful restaurants and helps other in situations such as his. His is a prominent example used in our family circles to show that we can achieve anything through perseverance. He refused to give up even at the worst of times and for this very reason he prevailed over his hardships. His own family doubted him but his faith has carried him over the line. His faith has carried him a long way over the line.

I wish to get my story published in Chicken Soup for the Indian Entrepreneurs Soul in association with BlogAdda.com

Newspapers are evil and why you are smart not to read them.

Greetings readers!
That what you have been waiting for is finally here. A brand new post on TheEmbarrassment to tickle your……. No, no tickling. TheEmbarrassment doesn’t fancy tickling all that much. Maybe caressing in a strictly non sexual manner.

Anyways, while I sit here waiting for inspiration to hit me on the head, I’m going to write a polemic. Because everyone likes a polemic and I just happen to be a populist fiend.

So let us begin with my last post which was about Kim Jong Un, by the way(And I know you didn’t read it). As soon as it went online I was inundated with a flood of messages. Mostly spam and the rest I ignored. However, some messages did manage to stick out and stab me in the eye leading to a very saddening revelation about my general readership(which on most days is just me, my dog and the FBI because they think I’m selling smallpox on here). This revelation was so sad I actually took a good half hour from my daily routine to cry about it.

index

What is this revelation, you ask?
I’ve finally learnt that most of you are inhabitants of third world countries with little to no access to newspapers or television. You probably get internet but is blanketed by a heavy censorship that is imposed upon you by your oppressive and tyrannical leader. Otherwise I see no reason for people to NOT know Kim Jong.(I had a hundred or so messages asking about Kim Jong. One even asked if it was a sequel to smash hit video game, Donkey Kong)

Dear readers and random people who accidentally stumbled on to this page.
When a man threatens to destroy the world as we know it, you’re expected to know him not his less funnier lookalike who canter’s around pretending to be a horse.

This problem of not knowing and living as complete ignoramus’ is not a very uncommon one. So it’s not just my readers, it is everybody. 1.5 in every 3 people don’t know what’s going on around them, counted someone(The authenticity of that fact is questionable). We all live in an oblivious haze pretending that everything is alright.

Bombs in America? Earthquake in Iran? Nah! I just care about my follower count on Twitter #YOLO

is the new mantra for life. OR.

I wish Anne Frank was a #Beleiber.

Whichever floats your boat

In other news it is 4/20 today(at the time of writing) or in other words, I’m going to pretend to be an adult by uploading a status on Facebook about all the dope I smoke.

My advice to all the pretentious wannabee’s out there creating all the 420 pages and events, go do your homework. I know you’re all 12 years old because all the grown up are busy with work or actually at these events that you so profusely talk about.

Well, that’s a wrap for the week. Hope you all had fun.
Till next time.